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[Applause]

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i gotta know christmas in a can

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not then this through those listing this

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is not christmas in the can nothing like

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taking a [\h__\h] and having christmas at

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the same time

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this is christmas in a can

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oh yes

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christmas dinner in a can promises

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answers to

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supermarket

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shortages

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oh good that's good news

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that's right uh for many

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it is the most stressful meal of the

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year to get right and make and can make

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or break christmas day celebrations but

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in 2021

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there is an

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added anxiety that

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vital ingredients could be scarce or

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non-existent on supermarket shelves one

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uh but one company believes it may have

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solved both problems in one fell swoop

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with its christmas dinner

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in a can all right

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look at this this is heinz

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that's right sounds terrible all the way

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around the days of peeling potatoes

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prepping prepping sprouts and

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basting turkeys could be numbered if

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this new festive offering catches on all

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right

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the dinner uh more accurately soup from

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heinz contains big chunks of turkey pigs

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in a blanket brussels sprouts stuffing

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balls

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and potatoes with gravy and cranberry

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sauce balls i just like that their

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method is like let's take all the

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ingredients of christmas dinner and just

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put it all in one bowl just give it all

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to me it doesn't matter yeah throw it

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all give it to me inject it put it in me

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wait a second

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what's the original premise the original

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premise is that there's going to be

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shortages and

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possibly non-existent super market uh

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ingredients that you need

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and they're pitching this as a way to

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help alleviate

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those stresses those shortages but

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go ahead if you if this next sentence

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here heinz will produce only 500 cans of

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his christmas big dinner soup this year

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but as hinted a coal could roll out

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greater numbers next year if it proves

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to be a hit with shoppers

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that's some good news i'm going to buy a

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bunch of these i'm gonna save them for

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the apocalypse so uh that's what i'm

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gonna do

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no power and be like yeah well we still

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have christmas dinner christmas dinner

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where can we get these like if there's

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only 500 cans well they're going to give

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like like send 10 to new york city 10 to

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paris france

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maybe even from their website maybe i

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gotta order special order of these

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the cans which cost uh one pound 50 plus

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post and packaging are available online

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monday

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sunday what's today saturday saturday so

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this this was written when was this

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written

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last week

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is it already happening did we miss it

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i need my christmas dinner in the can

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uh november 2nd so

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it sounds like it will be

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monday the 8th if i understand correctly

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where do you get them

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you got to go to heinz.com

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available online monday let me let me go

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to their site right now they have a link

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so go to heinz

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to home dot

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co dot uk is this only for uk

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i must accept all cookies before viewing

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their site are they quite are there

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cookies in this too

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no there's an internet cookie

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have yourself a merry hindsmith gift uh

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give the gift of heinz this christmas

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with our exclusive range of gifts

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wait so they have a gift of heinz tomato

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ketchup with christmas crackers is this

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a thing so for those of you in the uk

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is giving do you give people like hind

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soup and ketchup for is this a gift

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i guess so i'm not sure i'm on board i

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have to do it

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well uh so back to this article real

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quick uh hank van heinstein the brand

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manager for heinz soup

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said is made for those with big love for

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hearty festive flavors and tastes just

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perfect with a slice of warm crusty

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bread

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gross

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soup are you poor can you not afford

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dinner because if not if you if so we

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have soup

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uh any

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any soup that includes pigs in a blanket

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and roasties is a war is a winner in our

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eyes

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this is damn exciting stuff they do give

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you instructions on how to cook it says

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put in the microwave up you just put it

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in the microwave hey christmas dinner in

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the microwave i'm not i mean

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for families out there that maybe can't

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afford

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a lot of items up this might be a good

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solution but for them only rolling out

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500

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is kind of [\h__\h]

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they should have done better

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but you can get with decorative

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packaging

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i would buy some i would buy like listen

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times are tough out there and if you

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want your

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the the the flavors and and taste that

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you're familiar growing up with with

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these big christmas dinners this might

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be the best solution

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uh biden's economy ain't doing so good

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come on

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people are asking uh where's the turkey

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where's the the stuffing uh where's

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where's the yams for christmas

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where's mom and where's mom um

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are you thinking that maybe as part of

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this 1.2 whatever trillion dollar

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infrastructure build maybe

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a can of soup for every family i like

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that a can a can of hines christmas soup

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part of the trillion dollar

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infrastructure bill look we can't give

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you a basic universal income we can't

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pay a couple grand a month but we can

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give you a can of soup we can give you a

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can of soup and big massive dumps big

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massive dumps

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i only ate a can of soup how am i having

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this much dunk how am i producing more

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dump uh than soup what's the dump

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to super ratio that is coming from

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like shouldn't be the law of like

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thermodynamics uh

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prevent me from producing more crap that

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i'm taking in

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so we have a suggestion from the chat

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saying we need to get one of these and

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eat it on the air uh i agree

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i think we i think since he's not here

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we need to get one of these and make joe

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eat it we should send joe 500 cans of

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[Laughter]

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we're going to fill his apartment in

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his only currency will be soup

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good luck doesn't bother me i like this

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it's very festive soup i like it this is

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a winner i guess i just i fundamentally

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they're just like we're going to take

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all the stuff that you enjoy for

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christmas dinner we're just going to put

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it on the can here you go

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of course eat this hines needs it needs

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to partner with taco bell so i can get

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taco bell soup

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so i can get like a celery

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a steak quesadilla taco bell hines

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soup you can get like tortilla soup sort

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of thing so is there such a thing as

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like but you want to taco bell branded

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soup i want a co-brand i want to

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co-brand i want i want to marry taco

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bell with heinz

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what if you just got some um what's the

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cheese dip people like uh

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cheese cheese whiz and just ate that

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with a spoon isn't that pretty much the

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same thing i like that cheese whiz soup

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brought to you by heinz god i can i can

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get like empathetic stomach pains just

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all right well uh what other kind of uh

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news we get i'm gonna do like one more

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here before we get out of here

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i'm going to the gift of light expo in

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columbus

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it's a it's a it's a uh a psychic fair

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so my wife and i are going down there

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we're going to browse through some

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psychic booths and possibly get some

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readings and uh it's gonna be a fun time

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so as soon as the show gonna go see some

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psychics

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all right so do you want um you want to

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stay with christmas related i know

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people are in the chat are upset that

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we're talking christmas stuff already

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here

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but i mean they're playing christmas

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music on the radio and it's jingle

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bingle time jingle bingle [\h__\h]

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it is the hardy jingle bengal to

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midnight mike see even

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adam curry says his jingle bingle time

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of year

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all right so here's one more christmas

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story there for you all right here we go

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judge issues order no more elves

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on a shelf

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okay that's some good news on that front

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i would agree okay i don't even know

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what an elf on a shelf is but we're

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gonna find consider yourself lucky

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they are stealthy little creatures that

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sit on shelves keeping tabs on children

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during the holiday season ready to

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drop a lump of coal in the stocking of

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any mischievous kid

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oh these are these like spy cameras spy

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elves pretty much it's the idea is the

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elves worked for santa and they reported

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and you move it around the house every

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day so those of you who are kids spoiled

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it for you but it's to watch kids to

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determine if you end up on the naughty

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or nice list so it's trying to and this

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thing i don't like about it

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fundamentally trying to get kids okay

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with

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oversight and government surveillance in

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your house oh my but a bob county judge

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is going uh is doing what he can to stop

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the tyranny of the so-called

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elf on a shelf christmas tradition how

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is this a traditional ring it's also not

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a tradition it's something that was

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incredible it was created like whole

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cloth as a commercial enterprise like i

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don't know what eight ten years ago it

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is not a tradition

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cobb county superior court judge chief

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judge

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banished all elves

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from all shells throughout cobb county

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in a tongue-in-cheek order

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filed in court thursday he said it was a

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playful gesture born out of a

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conversation that began on social media

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with parents sharing their

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elfish bloopers

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the goblin

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uh quote what came out was that i i gave

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some folks

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an out he told the a jc with a hearty

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laugh late thursday you could give your

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elf on a shelf a break if you need to

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leonard who may be unaware that the

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elves uh the elves are cow county

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natives tweeted news of the order and

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said that

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it was a favor to parents whose elves

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may

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forget to move at night i don't what the

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[\h__\h] is this all about so so here's

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here's how it came out it's kind of like

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what's that um uh polar express same

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thing it came out of nowhere and all of

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a sudden it's like it's a tradition

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[\h__\h] so the elf on the shelf is a it

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is not they literally called the book

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when it came out like a christmas

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tradition or something like a new

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christmas tradition it was such a

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commercial enterprise and you have to

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buy these little toys and it's an elf

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and you tell your kids this [\h__\h]

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thing is spying on you and he's going to

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report back to santa if you're naughty

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or nice and then you move it around the

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house as if the elf is spying on them so

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this guy clearly is is probably up you

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know headed up to here with that and

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he's like look [\h__\h] this [\h__\h] uh and

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they so i'm gonna issue an order that

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says you don't have to do this uh and

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you all need to knock it off because

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this is clearly just a you know it's

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getting kids used to authoritarians and

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and surveillance systems

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this is creepy stuff like i didn't even

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know about the elf on the shelf and this

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this is a creepy looking elf oh look at

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that face yeah it's um it's a mess like

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i know if i was a kid

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and i had an elf on a shelf it might

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accidentally fall off that shelf

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repeatedly

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you know like this but now you're on the

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naughty list mike see how it works

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yeah but if you sneak up behind that elf

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and crack its neck there's not going to

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be any video of you doing anything to

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that elf let's just put the elf into the

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campbell's

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christmas christmas soup

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now includes elf

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made with 100 real elf meat it's creepy

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it's creepy stuff out there but yeah

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there's some sort of psychological

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aspect there getting kids familiar with

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the idea that that their every move is

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being

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uh

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categorized or cataloged and then you're

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going to go on the naughty or nice list

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this is whether intentional or not is

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getting people used to the social credit

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score

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so the

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there's an interesting turn to this

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story here at the end when they said

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the judge drew from a horrific real life

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incident in his family when elf failed

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to move to a new location overnight his

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two daughters came down saw it in the

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same spot they blamed their brother for

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touching the elf and killing it so some

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people tell their kids if you mess with

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the elf he will die and you get nothing

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for christmas

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so the children went to school in tears

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with one child being labeled an elf

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murderer

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and making being accused of making the

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elf lose his magic

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we're being murdered this is the the

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child abuse that you're you're laying

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upon kids with this crap oh my god

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it's crazy

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i just killed like five elves oopsie

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daisy

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don't worry they're not human so you can

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kill as many elves you want

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but you do still have to ask permission

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if you're you know building a road in in

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iceland to make sure the elves are okay

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with that yeah and the bible tells us

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that it does it's in the back

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give us an email at our big dumb month

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gmail.com check out obdmport.com